Weekend jokes - TilersForums.com

[user123]

A great writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

 

[user123]

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.

 

[sstilingservice]

Can you hear GRR's and me sigh and nod our heads in sisterly understanding?? Yes....slow resigned nods...
£15000? Were you thinking of 30(!!) women?? NAUGHTY!!!

Nope 3 X £5000 = £15000

 

[user123]

I must be losing it! I could have sworn there was another zero... it WAS late....must be my new glasses I'm getting used to... add it as another joke...:lol:

 

[sstilingservice]

Yeah yeah yeah excusses excussesan and I thought my maths was bad. Here have a drink it will make it all better:8:

 

[sstilingservice]

Oh god now my english is playing up it's an epedemic LOL

 

[user123]

Must be!:lol:

 

[user123]

PS: you know, I have never felt so much like a drink since being on here...not really a drinker and today I bought some organic beer and a rose sparkling wine....tutut...

 

[Deleted member 9966]

PS: you know, I have never felt so much like a drink since being on here...not really a drinker and today I bought some organic beer and a rose sparkling wine....tutut...

Have a drink for me G! I'm still on the wagon, 30 days now!

 

[sstilingservice]

30 days without a drink you are a true hero GRR. MG not realy a drinker alllllllllllll the alcoholics say that.

 

[Deleted member 9966]

30 days without a drink you are a true hero GRR. MG not realy a drinker alllllllllllll the alcoholics say that.

my body is a temple ss :lol:

 

[sstilingservice]

I'm off the alcho pops as well at the moment , Doing the London Marathon next month so got to whatch the calories. I tell you though when I have done it I going on a bender for a month:8:

 

[user123]

I'm off the alcho pops as well at the moment , Doing the London Marathon next month so got to whatch the calories. I tell you though when I have done it I going on a bender for a month:8:

:hurray:RESPECT!! not for the bender (nononono - and really I drink about 5 units a year tops, usually...may go up to ten now...:lol:..just not part of our lives..) but for the Marathon Always wanted to do that but have a long history of knee problems so it ain't possible, but that's so good, must be amazing being there...

 

[sstilingservice]

I will let you know I am looking forward to it. Cr*pping myself a bit as well !!! but hey. Well my knees are ok now may need a wheel chair afterwards ;-)

 

[sstilingservice]

Hot and Cold sex
>
> After his exam, the doctor said to the elderly
> man: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any
> medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'
>
> In fact, I do.' said the old man. 'After I
> have sex, I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I
> have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and
> sweaty.'
>
> After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said:
> 'Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical
> concerns that you would like to discuss with me?'
>
> The lady replied that she had no questions or
> concerns. The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband had
> an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and
> chilly after having sex with you the first time; and then
> hot and sweaty after
> the second time. Do you know why?'
>
> Oh, that crazy old fart!' she replied.
> 'That's because the first time is usually in
> January, and the second time is in August.'