Weekend jokes

[cornish_crofter]

One day a duck came into the publei library.

"Book Book" (imagine it quacking) it said. So the librarian gave it a book and it left with the book under its wing.

The next day the duck brought the book back and then repeated "Book Book". The librarian then took the previous book back off the duck and handed it a new one.

This went on for a few days and after a week passed the librarian, courious as to what was going on, decided to follow the duck as it left the library.

The duck waddled over the main road to the park on the other side, and then onto the banks of the lake. The librarian then crouched under a tree and saw the duck waddle over to a frog.

"Book Book" said the duck
"Reddit Reddit" said the frog, as it handed the duck a book in return!

 

[user123]

Johnny Falls in Love ...
The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I’m in love," the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With YOU!" he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don’t you see how silly
that is? It’s true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don’t want a child."

"Oh, don’t worry," the boy said reassuringly, "We'll be really really careful!"

 

[cornish_crofter]

Did you hear about the MP who claimed for a floating Island for his ducks?

His constituents want him to stand down at the next general election. One local woman was quoted at saying that he's not all he was quacked up to be!

A political analyst said his career was a dead duck!

A newspaper has accused him of feathering his own nest!

He wants to build bridges but thinks are looking a bit down for him at the moment.

 

[user123]

You've got a quack theme going there, haven't you :lol: :lol: :lol:

How's life in my old neck of the woods?

 

[cornish_crofter]

Good weather at the moment G, summer's here and there is work to be done on the house etc.

As for work, I've enough to pay the bills and put some materials into the development.

Just treading water!

 

[doug boardley]

when my grandad was ill, my grandma rubbed "lard" on his back. He went downhill pretty fast after that!

 

[user123]

Cured
A woman went to her doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.

"Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"

 

[sstilingservice]

sorry Blonde joke

A Blonde girl comes home from school and say's Mummy all the other girls could only count to 10 but I could count to 30 is it because I'm Blonde ?

Yes said her mum

The next day the Blonde comes home from school and said Mummy all the other girls could only go upto g in the alphabet but I could go all the way upto s is that because I'm Blonde?

Yes said her Mum

The next day the Blonde comes home from school and said Mummy all the other girls at school are only just starting to get boobs but mine are fully grown is that because I'm Blonde ?

No Said her Mum it's because you are 35

 

[user123]

Who cares about PC!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[doug boardley]

Who cares about PC!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

probably Dan and Dave:lol::lol: (lawsuits etc!!)