Discussion in 'General Chat Forum' started by Andy Allen, Jul 16, 2017.
Discuss Summer joke thread........... in the General Chat Forum area at TilersForums.co.uk.
2 nuns in the bath . One says where's the soap . The other one says yes it does
Trust you start a summer jokes thread and stick a very specific winter joke in it to start us off lol
I don't get the nun one. Is it just me?
One says where's the other hears wears
If you want old and Nun...
Mother Superior: OK girls it's bedtime, candles out.
Two nuns riding a tandem
Nun 1: I've never come this way before.
Nun 2: It must be the cobbles
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea...
Why do bananas like shade in summer? Because they peel! I'll get my coat!
'Did you come on the bus Mavis?'
Yes but I pretended I was having an asthma attack!
2 engineers are looking up at a large flag pole.
A tiler walks by and asks them what there doing.
We have to measure the height of this flag pole but we don't have a ladder .
So the tiler goes to his van and comes back with a spanner loosens a few nuts at the base of the pole and lays it down on the ground, he then whips out his tape measure .....26 feet 2 inches then bids them good day .
That's no good says one engineer to the other.........we ask for the height and he gives us the length......
Woman phones her husband ." The cars has stopped I think it has water in the fuel " husband says" where is it " wife " it's in the river "
A wealthy Arab says to his 3 sons, we've found another oil field and it's huge so I'll buy you each a present, anything at all, money no object.
Eldest son says I want a boat so the father buys him a luxury yacht, biggest ever built.
Middle son wants a plane so he gets the factory to build him a brand new Concorde.
Youngest son says, hey dad can I have a cowboy outfit, so he buys him Topps Tiles!
As the old saying goes many a true word spoke in jest
I brought my wife a new fridge the other day.
You should of seen her face light up when she opened the door
(from my 10yr old nature-mad daughter)
How can you tell the difference between a weasel and a stoate?
Weasels are weasily identified, but stoats are stoatally different
Man walked into a bar...
And hurt his head...
I already know who the winner of big brother is.................
Me! For not watching it!!!
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
...of the heart
Bonnie Tyler 1983...
I wasn't born in 1983!
Pants on fire...
I was 7!
I was on my way to the shops for a long stand and bubble for a level with my mixing stick in my back pocket wondering if my journeymen had given me enough for them!
I was 17 and been tiling for a whole year !
So was already an expert...
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