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Discuss Summer joke thread........... in the General Chat Forum area at TilersForums.co.uk.

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  1. Andy Allen

    Andy Allen Metro specialist & forum entertainer! Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Gloucester
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  2. jcrtiling

    jcrtiling Professional Tiler TTA Member Top Contributor

    Location:
    Salisbury
    2 nuns in the bath . One says where's the soap . The other one says yes it does
     
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  3. pdc

    pdc Professional Tiler Top Contributor

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  4. Andy Allen

    Andy Allen Metro specialist & forum entertainer! Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Gloucester
  5. Andy Allen

    Andy Allen Metro specialist & forum entertainer! Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Gloucester
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    • Like Like x 1
  6. Andy Allen

    Andy Allen Metro specialist & forum entertainer! Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Gloucester
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  7. Dan

    Dan TilersForums.co.uk Est.2006 Staff Member Top Contributor NOT a Tiler

    Location:
    Staffordshire, UK
    Trust you start a summer jokes thread and stick a very specific winter joke in it to start us off lol

    I don't get the nun one. Is it just me?
     
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  8. jcrtiling

    jcrtiling Professional Tiler TTA Member Top Contributor

    Location:
    Salisbury
    One says where's the other hears wears
     
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  9. neilrj

    neilrj Active Member

    Location:
    Merseyside
    If you want old and Nun...

    Mother Superior: OK girls it's bedtime, candles out.

    <SFX> Pop!
     
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  10. neilrj

    neilrj Active Member

    Location:
    Merseyside
    Another.

    Two nuns riding a tandem

    Nun 1: I've never come this way before.

    Nun 2: It must be the cobbles
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. pdc

    pdc Professional Tiler Top Contributor

    What do you call a deer with no eyes?

    No idea!

    What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

    Still no idea...
     
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  12. callatiler

    callatiler Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Aberdeen
    Why do bananas like shade in summer? Because they peel! I'll get my coat!
     
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  13. timeless john

    timeless john Trusted Advisor Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    North East England
    'Did you come on the bus Mavis?'
    Yes but I pretended I was having an asthma attack!
     
  14. Andy Allen

    Andy Allen Metro specialist & forum entertainer! Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Gloucester
    2 engineers are looking up at a large flag pole.

    A tiler walks by and asks them what there doing.

    We have to measure the height of this flag pole but we don't have a ladder .

    So the tiler goes to his van and comes back with a spanner loosens a few nuts at the base of the pole and lays it down on the ground, he then whips out his tape measure .....26 feet 2 inches then bids them good day .

    That's no good says one engineer to the other.........we ask for the height and he gives us the length......:)
     
    • Creative Creative x 1
  15. jcrtiling

    jcrtiling Professional Tiler TTA Member Top Contributor

    Location:
    Salisbury
    Woman phones her husband ." The cars has stopped I think it has water in the fuel " husband says" where is it " wife " it's in the river "
     
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  16. Rookery

    Rookery Professional Tiler

    A wealthy Arab says to his 3 sons, we've found another oil field and it's huge so I'll buy you each a present, anything at all, money no object.
    Eldest son says I want a boat so the father buys him a luxury yacht, biggest ever built.
    Middle son wants a plane so he gets the factory to build him a brand new Concorde.
    Youngest son says, hey dad can I have a cowboy outfit, so he buys him Topps Tiles!
     
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  17. Andy Allen

    Andy Allen Metro specialist & forum entertainer! Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Gloucester
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  18. Andy Allen

    Andy Allen Metro specialist & forum entertainer! Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Gloucester
    20170716_125029.png
     
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  19. jcrtiling

    jcrtiling Professional Tiler TTA Member Top Contributor

    Location:
    Salisbury
    As the old saying goes many a true word spoke in jest
     
  20. jcrtiling

    jcrtiling Professional Tiler TTA Member Top Contributor

    Location:
    Salisbury
    I brought my wife a new fridge the other day.
    You should of seen her face light up when she opened the door
     
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  21. impish

    impish Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler Top Contributor

    Location:
    Lancashire
    (from my 10yr old nature-mad daughter)

    How can you tell the difference between a weasel and a stoate?
    Weasels are weasily identified, but stoats are stoatally different :)
     
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  22. Andy Allen

    Andy Allen Metro specialist & forum entertainer! Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Gloucester
    Man walked into a bar...























    And hurt his head...:)
     
  23. Tommythetiler80

    Tommythetiler80 Active Member

    Location:
    Dorset
    I already know who the winner of big brother is.................




    Me! For not watching it!!!
     
  24. pdc

    pdc Professional Tiler Top Contributor

    SENIOR SEX
    The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
    Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

    OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

    "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
    A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

    The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

    The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

    After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

    So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

    Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
     
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  25. callatiler

    callatiler Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Aberdeen
  26. timeless john

    timeless john Trusted Advisor Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    North East England
    Total eclipse.....
     
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  27. impish

    impish Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler Top Contributor

    Location:
    Lancashire
    ...of the heart :rolleyes:
     
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  28. Andy Allen

    Andy Allen Metro specialist & forum entertainer! Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Gloucester
    Bonnie Tyler 1983...:cool:
     
  29. callatiler

    callatiler Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Aberdeen
    I wasn't born in 1983!
     
  30. Andy Allen

    Andy Allen Metro specialist & forum entertainer! Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Gloucester
    Pants on fire...
     
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  31. impish

    impish Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler Top Contributor

    Location:
    Lancashire
    I was 7!
     
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  32. callatiler

    callatiler Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Aberdeen
    I was on my way to the shops for a long stand and bubble for a level with my mixing stick in my back pocket wondering if my journeymen had given me enough for them!
     
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  33. Andy Allen

    Andy Allen Metro specialist & forum entertainer! Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Gloucester
    I was 17 and been tiling for a whole year !
    So was already an expert...:)
     
  34. callatiler

    callatiler Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Aberdeen
    Grouting!
     
  35. Andy Allen

    Andy Allen Metro specialist & forum entertainer! Trusted Advisor Professional Tiler JOTM Winner Top Contributor

    Location:
    Gloucester
    Yep !
     
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